2014 – Vintage Dogs

Vintage Dogs was a fake business¬†set up to promote my terrible pop music project Math Party. ¬†It’s hard to explain so I will let the site Something Awful do the honours:

Vintage Dogs is an “E-commerce Pet Store.” To help differentiate itself from other online pet store scams, Vintage Dogs only sells dogs that are age 15 or older, thus sparing you from the gruesome spectre of adorable puppies:

Older dogs are far better better behaved than younger ones. They are much cleaner. They no longer tend to “rub up against” house guests legs. By 15 they no longer usually urinate or defecate in the house. They are also much less likely to bite children. These dogs are “Vintage Dogs” and they are the future of pet owner luxury.

Vintage Dogs’ pricing starts at $2,500, the cost of an elderly chihuahua, and tops out with its $9,000 poodles. For comparison’s sake, Bart Simpson only paid $1,200 for Laddie. No offense to the dogs pictured in these stock photos, but they aren’t exactly Laddie material.

There are so many things wrong with this promotional video, starting with the inappropriate song choice of “Sex With A Lady,” which plays over footage of a dog frolicking. The tail-wagging good times come to an abrupt end with this disclaimer, which basically makes you an accessory to dog murder:

It goes on from there and I encourage you to read it on their site for a laugh.